April 2010
2 posts
That Darn Fly!
-While staring the frozen fly that so thwarted him- …I hate you, you know that? - Omar Hamide
Total. Diss.
Crystal: The prologue of Romeo and Juliet is a SONNET! :D
Jackie: (Counting his fingers while muttering under his breath.)
Crystal: Oh, but you know Reduced Shakespeare doesn’t do it all, right?
Jackie: (Dismayed. Stops counting and muttering.)
December 2009
3 posts
“In the interests of full and up-front disclosure, here are some reasons why a...”
– Pomona College, English 67, Section 02, Spring ‘05 syllabus, Caveat Emptor, instructed by David Foster Wallace. (pdf) (via langer)
“It takes an enormous act of violence to begin something.”
– Rainer Maria Rilke, “The Young Workman’s Letter”
(via @parisreview)
(via langer)
Warning!
Sheree Yuan (to Crystal Lee): I wasn’t sure this was your house, but then I went to ring the door bell and saw the “No Soliciting” sign…
November 2009
4 posts
Inferno Innuendo
Selma Hasanic: So, Am i still the Virgin?
Sheree Yuan: I dunno, are you?
Crystal Lee: That’s what she said!
Cheating
Leonard’s Puppet: To get to the whiteboard of knowledge, you must go about a different route.
Leonard: But I don’t believe in cheating off of Crystal’s paper!
Jackie: *Cutting off circulation in his own hand*
Corner of Classroom: *Starts giggling*
Mrs. Sherman: What are you doing over there? ………I don’t even know what to say…
October 2009
23 posts
This is Medea, please hold
Sheree: Don't worry, Leonard. Justin's not going to go too crazy on you...he might be channeling Medea but it's not that bad. You'll be able to go to the white room where the nice man comes in with the needle to calm you down...
Leonard: No! NO! I'm not in your system!
Sheree: They'll come in wearing a white suit every day...
Leonard: NO! NO! GEROFF ME!
Sheree: And there's free food every day.
Leonard: NO! NO! ....wait, what'd you say?
“Sheree is a microscope goddess.”
– Omar Hamide
Submissions →
Link can be found in the future at the bottom of the page, next to “archive” and “search.”
Conflicting priorities
Crystal: Justin, don't you ever write ANYTHING in your agenda?
Justin: No, not really. Most of the times it's just this big X to denote "nothing to do from this class." Otherwise I write it in the "notes" section in big letters. See: TALK TO CALTECH.
Sheree: Ooh, look at mine. "NAP."
“They pulled out their TI-89s and started shooting at us. We were caught in a...”
– Nicolas Seranio
Calculus is serious business
Nic's voice-over: Calculus is derived from the Greek word...calculus. Which means a stone used for counting.
Text on screen: LOLWUT?
Nic: The Mayas predicted the day of great judgment, which would serve as a form of population control. They called it Appeus Peccatus, otherwise known as AP.
“Have you ever seen a blanker face?”
– Mrs. Sherman
“If nothing’s funny, we can always laugh at Leonard.”
– Crystal Lee
“Since when did Homecoming become a movie?”
– Justin Salehi
“All work and no play makes Crystal a very dull mineral. You know, I’ve...”
– Justin Salehi
High school
Class: Well, we can't really relate with Billy Budd.
Mr. Myers: Well, yeah. I was at the dance on Saturday and there was nothing holy or Christian about THAT.
Mechanics of life
Leonard: Hey, Crystal. I'm going to tell you something crazy. I just registered for the physics SAT II.
Crystal: What? Are you serious?
Justin: Leonard's going crazy, I'm in love, and the world is coming to an end.
Leonard: Justin's in love? What the f***?
Laboratory catalysis
Crystal: Oh, look in the bio book.
Sheree: Eh?
Crystal: it has everything you need in the conclusion, basically.
Sheree: Oh, ew. Okay. Sank yoo.
Crystal: You mean 3Q? :P
Sheree: No, I sank a guy named Yoo.
Crystal: Haha, that's going on Tumblr.
Enzymes for thought
Crystal: OH MY GOSH. QUESTION. LAB.
Sheree: Barely started as it is. And then I read GroupFusion. And then I thought, "shit."
Crystal: I looked at my lab data and saw "Look up Henry Cavill." And then I spent too much time on Google Images.
Sheree: HAHAHAH. Yes. I told you so.